Mame

My grandmother turned 90 this week. 90. Ninety... years old.
Think about all she has seen... WWI...the jazz age...the depression...WWII...the 50's the 60's...and so on...all the different presidents...movements...musicians things that our history books explain.. but she has seen it with her own eyes...been there.

She has a hard time adjusting the our world today. Her house looks like it is still 1955. Its incredible. She doesnt have a dishwasher.. she calls Publix "the market"..she pushes the mute button on ALL commercials "its too loud" she says...She loves Lucy.. and Sound of Music...the classics... she craves them.
She wears beautiful nightgowns every night... she cooks with spices, herbs, and love. She is a teacher. She shares her knowledge and love of piano with kids everyday... still.. at 90. She wears high heels that match her suit color whenever she goes out ..and always... red lipstick.

Her sense of humor is sharp but not understood by all. She is so full of life. She is precious.

Celebrating her this week was such a gift. She is a constant source of love and devotion in my life. She is my Mame.

She gave this toast at dinner....

"Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is Mystery,
Today is a gift thats why they call it the present."

there was such beauty gathered around that table.

she called me today and said she was "overwhelemed with the beauty all around her"

thus inspiration for a blog.

Chill and cold and flakes of snow, ice and sleet, frost and cold
Each storm cloud and thunder bolt, lifts my mind to you
Every work and every power, every second of every hour
Fall of dew and sweet rain showers, lifts my mind to you
Summer wind, fire adn heat, autumn leaves and blooms of spring
Ocean waves and mountain streams, lifts my mind to You


I see You in every scene, I pray You are thinking about me
I have such a short memory so You keep reminding me of You


As I lay down to sleep, as I walk on city streets
As I laugh with friends and feast, it lifts my mind to You
As my children play and run, in the news with wars and guns
In the church where songs are sung, it lifts my mind to You
Deep inside the beggar's eyes, as for sweet love I fight
On the radio at night, it lifts my mind on You


Painting pictures of your love, You lift my mind up, reminding me of You
My heart comes alive

Scenes- Charlie Hall

getting there..almost there... there.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will in Christ Jesus." I Thess. 5:16-18

so day by day its getting better. trusting. loving. listening. talking.

i feel fired up to live what i say. not just talk but do. but also trust in the waiting. the seemingly mundane. there is such joy in everything if we look for it. I dont want to be complacent.

Im coming back into "myself" or the me I want to be.

I want to be refined. I feel like I am being refined.

Dimonds used to be coal ... hmmm

i want to keep it real. live honestly. be awake in every moment.

life is so much sometimes. the only thing that makes it make sense is Gods love. and his promise that he is Good and wants good for us. i want to trust Him.

so thats that.

So I'm learning a lot.

Transitions are a source of deep insight into oneself and into life.
Transitions challenge our depth. They challenge our hearts... to see how we will respond

Life is a rollercoaster... and I think it might be better that way. I want to allow myself to feel. To feel intense joy.. and on the flip side must be that sadness that we dont like to admit.

I do want to say that I am happy. I am content. I am surrounded by loved ones.
Im thankful for what I have.

But I just experienced another transition. And this one was tough. I was so happy. Joyful. Really content. And I am now seeking to find that here. Not trying to recreate it because it will never be like it was for the last few months in Charleston but allowing my heart to adjust. To find that contentment wherever I am.

I do want to say I am getting there. And I couldnt do it without the love of my family. They are my soul. My essence. I hang out at home with them almost every night and I don't feel lame about it. I feel the most myself with them. We are different in ways but so the same in others. They are my home. They make being home a joy. (and i dont just say that bc dad was worried about me bc of my last blogs)

Bottom line... Im learning to be happy wherever I am. In the waiting period when the future is unclear hold on to what is right in front of you... ok now I sound like a hallmark card.

love.

i feel better...

productive

i love people. helping people. being with people. sharing life.

living a day at a time...

not looking to far ahead...

today I am home

I miss Charleston.

a lot.

I miss me there. I miss my life there. The people. The places.
The way I felt every morning when I woke up. My job...My church...

I miss having a vision. A goal every morning. Feeling like I was a part of something bigger.

I feel like Im losing focus.

I know that was a season. And I know this is a season. I am thankful for it all.

But I cant deny the fact that I miss what was.

But its like Jack said to Kate... let it in for 5 seconds. Feel it. Face it. Then let it go.

Ive let this in for more than 5 seconds but I soon need to move on. Look to tomorrow. Look at today.

God is so in control. He has purpose in every transition and season.

I want to remember that in the hurt and funk.

I praise God for his blessings in it all.

My heart was so filled and happy for the last few months... almost consistently... and this dry spell has caught me off gaurd. But it is so fine.


Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

a prayer

God, I don't want to live falsely, in self-imposed prisons and fixed, comfortable patterns that confine my soul and diminish the truth in me.. So much of me has gone underground. I want to let my soul out. I want to be free to risk what's true, to be myself. Set free the daring in me-the willingness to go within, to see self-lies. I'll try to run away, but don't let me. Don't let me stifle myself with prudence that binds the creative revisioning of life and the journey toward wholeness.
I am scared God. Make me brave. Lead me into the enormous spaces of becoming. Help me cease the small, tedious work maintaining and protecting so that I can break the masks that obscure your face shinning in the night of my own soul. Help me to green my soul and risk becoming the person you created me to be"(p.55)
-sue monk kidd

Jesus

http://myhillsong.com/jesus

quotes

Man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself. He is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.
-Thomas Merton

"The day that each person willingly accepts himself or herself for who he or she is and acknowledges the uniqueness of God's framing process marks the beginning of a journey to seeing the handiwork of God in each life."- ravi zacharais

Love is a command, not just a feeling. Somehow, in the romantic world of music and theater we have made love to be what it is not. We have so mixed it with beauty and charm and sensuality and contact that we have robbed it of its higher call of cherishing and nurturing.- ravi zacharais



We can disagree without being disagreeable
We can walk hand and hand without seeing eye to eye
We can have unity without uniformity
We can have collaboration for the best of America



I may be down but I will rise
It may be dark but God is light
-charlie hall



Just some quotes that have resonated with me lately.

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing! sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.

colossians 3:12-17- message version

I found some

I found some "beauty"... since this blog is called... "in search of beauty"

The story of Jane Eyre. Written by Charlotte Bronte. I have never read it but I did listen to the musical in high school. I always felt I would like it but never saw a film or read the book. But the other day I was in the Library and I saw the Masterpiece Theatre version from 2006.. so I picked it up and watched it the other night. all 3 1/2 hours of it. Up until 3:30am. It was captivating. I was giddy. It is a darker romance and sooo beautiful. Set in the early 1800's in England.

I love Jane...
She is plain, reserved, talented, empathetic, hard-working, honest, blunt, and passionate girl. Noble. She learns to love. She learns to be alive. To live. She struggles. She stands strong. She doesn't settle for less than passionate love. She loves Mr. Rodchester so deeply. So passionately. She realizes she can not live without him and loves him for his soul and not his appearence, wealth, or past.





this proposal scene took my breath away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iU0DJFli4-A


I just love stories. Epic stories of love,loss, passion, and honor.

ok thats enough. I wanna play women like Jane.

monday in the park with me

I went to the Palmetto County Park today. Took my bike and just rode,read, and took pictures. Soaked in some nature. I love being outside. I love beautiful weather. I love the south for its weather. Ive not spent to much time up north or in cold places but I can imagine how gloomy the weather can make one feel. I love the sun. The clouds. The breeze. The glory of creation.

I have always loved the song "The nearness of you" ...the romance....but today in church I realized it is also true of God.

It's not the pale moon that excites me
That thrills and delights me, oh no
It's just the nearness of you

I love my church here...




24 starts again tonight! Cant wait. And LOST starts up soon. Oh happy day!

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Gator Bait

Well the Gators have done it again. Made it to the National Championship. I can't believe it ...and I can... all at the same time. I get such joy from watching the Gators play. The passion, the game, the orange and blue, Tim Tebow :0) The history for my family. I'm just real excited about it. Tonight at 8!

Gooooo Gators~


watch the last 30 seconds of this clip... wow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PcQ-lsAnp8

my heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6WRG5FcUdg





a song that was with me over the Thanksgiving holiday when I was away from home and still on my mind after coming home for Christmas... so eloquently put.

these are lyrics to a relient k song that just says a lot.....

When I made up my mind And my heart along with that

To live not for myself But yet for God, somebody said "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

When I finally ironed out All of my priorities And asked God to remove the doubt That makes me so unsure of these Things I ask myself, I ask myself "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"

I'm getting into you Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe I'm getting into you Because I've got to be You're essential to survive I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said "I kind of view you as a son" And for a second our eyes met And I met that with a question "Do you know what you are getting yourself into?" I've been a liar and I'll never amount to The kind of person you deserve to worship you You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do

...HE says "I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into"

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here is another song- am I understood

And sometimes I'm so thankful for your loyalty .Your love regardless of The mistakes I make will spoil me. My confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me And I'm satisfied to realize you're all I'll ever need....You looked into my life and never stopped ,And you're thinking all my thoughts Are so simple, but so beautiful. And you recite my words right back to me Before I even speakYou let me know, I am understood

You're the only one who understands completely...You're the only one knows me yet still loves completely- relient k

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Ive been thinking about grace a lot lately... and how personal the christian faith is... can be... Jesus is. Its exciting. Its just simply life giving.

thanks for reading. be blessed