getting there..almost there... there.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will in Christ Jesus." I Thess. 5:16-18

so day by day its getting better. trusting. loving. listening. talking.

i feel fired up to live what i say. not just talk but do. but also trust in the waiting. the seemingly mundane. there is such joy in everything if we look for it. I dont want to be complacent.

Im coming back into "myself" or the me I want to be.

I want to be refined. I feel like I am being refined.

Dimonds used to be coal ... hmmm

i want to keep it real. live honestly. be awake in every moment.

life is so much sometimes. the only thing that makes it make sense is Gods love. and his promise that he is Good and wants good for us. i want to trust Him.

so thats that.

So I'm learning a lot.

Transitions are a source of deep insight into oneself and into life.
Transitions challenge our depth. They challenge our hearts... to see how we will respond

Life is a rollercoaster... and I think it might be better that way. I want to allow myself to feel. To feel intense joy.. and on the flip side must be that sadness that we dont like to admit.

I do want to say that I am happy. I am content. I am surrounded by loved ones.
Im thankful for what I have.

But I just experienced another transition. And this one was tough. I was so happy. Joyful. Really content. And I am now seeking to find that here. Not trying to recreate it because it will never be like it was for the last few months in Charleston but allowing my heart to adjust. To find that contentment wherever I am.

I do want to say I am getting there. And I couldnt do it without the love of my family. They are my soul. My essence. I hang out at home with them almost every night and I don't feel lame about it. I feel the most myself with them. We are different in ways but so the same in others. They are my home. They make being home a joy. (and i dont just say that bc dad was worried about me bc of my last blogs)

Bottom line... Im learning to be happy wherever I am. In the waiting period when the future is unclear hold on to what is right in front of you... ok now I sound like a hallmark card.

love.

i feel better...

productive

i love people. helping people. being with people. sharing life.

living a day at a time...

not looking to far ahead...

today I am home

I miss Charleston.

a lot.

I miss me there. I miss my life there. The people. The places.
The way I felt every morning when I woke up. My job...My church...

I miss having a vision. A goal every morning. Feeling like I was a part of something bigger.

I feel like Im losing focus.

I know that was a season. And I know this is a season. I am thankful for it all.

But I cant deny the fact that I miss what was.

But its like Jack said to Kate... let it in for 5 seconds. Feel it. Face it. Then let it go.

Ive let this in for more than 5 seconds but I soon need to move on. Look to tomorrow. Look at today.

God is so in control. He has purpose in every transition and season.

I want to remember that in the hurt and funk.

I praise God for his blessings in it all.

My heart was so filled and happy for the last few months... almost consistently... and this dry spell has caught me off gaurd. But it is so fine.


Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

a prayer

God, I don't want to live falsely, in self-imposed prisons and fixed, comfortable patterns that confine my soul and diminish the truth in me.. So much of me has gone underground. I want to let my soul out. I want to be free to risk what's true, to be myself. Set free the daring in me-the willingness to go within, to see self-lies. I'll try to run away, but don't let me. Don't let me stifle myself with prudence that binds the creative revisioning of life and the journey toward wholeness.
I am scared God. Make me brave. Lead me into the enormous spaces of becoming. Help me cease the small, tedious work maintaining and protecting so that I can break the masks that obscure your face shinning in the night of my own soul. Help me to green my soul and risk becoming the person you created me to be"(p.55)
-sue monk kidd

Jesus

http://myhillsong.com/jesus

quotes

Man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself. He is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.
-Thomas Merton

"The day that each person willingly accepts himself or herself for who he or she is and acknowledges the uniqueness of God's framing process marks the beginning of a journey to seeing the handiwork of God in each life."- ravi zacharais

Love is a command, not just a feeling. Somehow, in the romantic world of music and theater we have made love to be what it is not. We have so mixed it with beauty and charm and sensuality and contact that we have robbed it of its higher call of cherishing and nurturing.- ravi zacharais



We can disagree without being disagreeable
We can walk hand and hand without seeing eye to eye
We can have unity without uniformity
We can have collaboration for the best of America



I may be down but I will rise
It may be dark but God is light
-charlie hall



Just some quotes that have resonated with me lately.